sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize