I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
