I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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