Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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