if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
