Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
