I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
