is your mom at the bar?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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