Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
