Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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