): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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