i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
