It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
