i just wanna soil my oats bro
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
