I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
