And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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