Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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