Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
