i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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