i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize