Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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