she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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