Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm at about main and main street
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
