Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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