she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
