I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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