i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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