For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
