Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
