just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
