sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
