real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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