Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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