Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
