She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
