Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
