someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
