Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize