so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
