Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Who wears a wallet chain?!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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