i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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