AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize