Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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