you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
