You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
