Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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