i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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