No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize