Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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