I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
