I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
