Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
