I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
