if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
