I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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