my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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