With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
