Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
