you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she told me i tasted like america
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
