I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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