matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
