Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
