I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize