Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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