he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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