I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
