I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
