How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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